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Off-shore humor
Saw this on the Internet.
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Bush Lays Off Congress; will Outsource Lawmaking to India*
/By Jay Slupesky/
Citing the growing cost of running the Federal government and the need to cut
costs in order to reduce the budget deficit, President Bush announced today that
he was laying off all 535 members of Congress and transferring lawmaking
operations to a legislative support center in Bangalore, India. "Hey,
outsourcing is the way to go these days," said Bush at an impromptu news
conference where he announced the decision, adding, "the American people want to
see less government waste. Since every one of those ex-Congressmen had a salary
of $150,000, this move will cut our costs by over $80 million per year, and
that's not even counting what we'll save on health insurance and retirement
plans." Sources indicate that the Indian replacements will be paid
approximately $250 per month. The outcry from the newly laid-off Senators and
Representatives was swift.Ex-California Senator Diane Feinstein said, "This is
absolutely outrageous. How can a bunch of replacements over in India run
Congress? What do they know about filibusters and committee hearings?" As she
was being escorted out of the Hart Senate Office Building by U.S. Capitol Police
officers,Feinstein complained that the newly-terminated lawmakers were only
given 10 minutes to clean out their desks and leave the building. "I think it's
a great idea," said Vice President Dick Cheney, speaking from a secure
undisclosed location. "The American people were fed up with that expensive
do-nothing Congress which didn't give the President everything he asked for. Our
new Indian replacements will be much more cooperative to the President, which is
what we all want." Asked whether the outsourcing may be unconstitutional, Cheney
noted, "That's up to the Supreme Court to decide,but they never pay much
attention to the constitution anyway. To them it's a 'living document' that will
be different every day. The new members of Congress seem thrilled with the
attention they are receiving. Speaking from the offices of
All-India Legislative Support Centre Ltd. in Bangalore, new Mississippi Senator
Ramchandra Shektar Gupta told reporters, "The Indian people are very hard
working and we will do our best as U.S. Congressmen and Congresswomen. And we
are going to have some fun too. Just think: we have $2 trillion of the American
taxpayers' money to spend!
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